They way i figured out i was a woman, to simplify it a lot, is that I felt shit living as a man/boy. When people called me “he” or a “man” or anything like that, I didn't like it and I know that living as a woman makes me happy. I am a trans woman because I realized living as a man would never make me happy.
For me being trans first and foremost is about finding a way to live and present yourself to the world that u can be content with.

And I would love for this to be enough.

So I could just tell people “hey I feel like shit when you treat me this way, so please treat me this other way” and for them to respond with “sure. Why not, it doesn't hurt anyone afterall”.
But no, trans people are rejected over and over again so we have to give detailed and long explanations of our own personal private feelings, as well as a deep analyzation of how the world and society works just to be treated with respect and as human.

Most Trans people (and this applies to all marginalized identities) don't want to know every little thing about how their group or marginalized characteristic interacts with the rest of the world and don't want to be able to debunk every little shitty thing people say towards us on a daily basis.
We just want to live and we're tired.

I love this topic personally and learning about it. And I love linguistics and find it incredible interesting how it intersects with these issues. But I want to learn about these things because I find them interesting and not because I will need to know them to defend myself all the time.
Because as soon as you have a person who's not able to give a quick and clever comeback the entire group will be ridiculed.
Think of the whole “what is a woman” thing which is a stupid question on many levels I'm not going to go into here. But as soon as you don't give a quick response, they will say “look, they don't even know what they are talking about. Look at how dumb they are. This Is why we discriminate them.”
Which is obviously stupid because they don't even listen even when we do give an answer.

This frustration of 'why do I even need to explain this' instead of people just showing some basic human decency. Like why do I need to deeply publicly reflect on my emotions and have a fucking therapy session with the whole world just for them to believe me when I tell them that this is my fucking name.
Its shit...
It's annoying that there is this pressure.
And I understand that many just want to understand, and I also understand the desire to logically fully understand something before you engage with it. But there are people suffering and instead of helping, instead of listening to their struggles and showing empathy, you first want to have every one of them explain themselves to you instead of putting in some effort into understanding them with the thousands of publicly available resources on the topic.

The question of calling a trans person by the correct name or pronouns isn't a matter of respect. It's a matter of what is right and aligns with the scientific consensus. Literally any large medical association is on the side of trans people
(the world health organization on trans people for example)
But also why isn't respect enough. Why can't we do it out of human decency.
To recognize: 'hey there are some people here and we can either accept them and they can live contently or we don't and they are depressed, while neither option will harm anyone else, except of course, in case you choose the later, the close ones of the people who end up dying for it, are harmed.'